


May We Meet Again

by mikachan



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, AUfic, M/M, Multi, aufanfic, aufanfiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2123100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikachan/pseuds/mikachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before I met Sasori, everything had been different...  The taunting words thrown at my face and the scars on my body proved as much.  He caught my fragile body in his, yet people leave sorrowfully and unintentionally.  I'd hoped this would never happen...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"Wait!" I'm screaming, my clammy hands gripping the shoulders of the redhead beneath me. His blood covers my face, my hands, my hair... bathing me in crimson desperation as I search for a glint, any sign of life. 

"No!" Please don't go! I'm sorry! Hey! Don't take him from me!"

They grip my shoulders as they tear me away, throwing hasty phrases in my face. 

"We're sorry."

"Come with us."

"Please, calm down. You're badly injured."

Anything would be better than the pain my body is currently in. My breath stings in the back of my throat, the cold winter beckoning me to drown in the red snowflakes surrounding the totaled car they pull me from. My cheeks burn with hot tears and I can't see a thing. My body aches and the blood surrounding us thickens with every drop my body leaks; the dark liquid flowing down me in a torrent. 

I see Sasori's mangled body being carried away, his bones broken and piercing through his own flesh. 

This didn't make sense. 

He was a live just a minute ago.

It feels like I've been ripped in two, the angry tusks of panic impaling me with the sirens surrounding me; the blinking lights... the yells and screams. They say that when something like this happens, you go into shock... you don't feel a thing, and your mind goes hazy trying to forget what's happening to you. 

But I am all too much awake. I can feel the wounds covering my body. I can see Sasori's blood splattered across the pavement along with my own. I see the mangled car in front of me, the grotesque metal jutting from the melting snow around it. I can feel the cold penetrating deep into my bones, seeping in through the gashes in my thighs, the reopened scars bleeding once more. Every breath I take, I breathe in the scene playing out around me. 

I scream and scream, struggling against the grasp of the police and medical teams... reaching... pushing towards Sasori. 

"He's still alive! Let me help! I need him! Please!" 

"Sir, I'm sorry, but he's already gone!"

"No!"

"Please stop struggling, we're trying to help you!"

A long, drawn out cry escapades from my opened mouth, my eyes squeezed shut and they strap me down. Still screaming, gasping for air, I'm blinded by the strobes of an ambulance, struggling against my binding. 

"No! No no no no!" 

A prick on my arm, a white flash of light... then, darkness...


	2. Chapter 2

tick 

tock

tick

tock

 

I just want the day to be over, yet the clock ticks on tauntingly slow; it's agonizing pace matching the steady tap of my pencil to the carved wood of the desk. History is the last class of the day... always the dumbest, most boring thing I have to endure all day long. I half-listen to the teacher droning on about some revolution ot another, the lull of their voice almost drowning out the sound of my beating heart.

Only on more year...

I sigh, thinking of how great it will be to finally leave this hell-hole; this place of taunting voices and memories. The constant bullying affects me more than I'd ever like to admit. My sister Konan is the only one who really knows about the struggles that hide themselves in bathroom stalls etched with the markings of years of abuse.

I never see Konan is school, since she's a senior and I am sadly one year behind her. Our parents aren't around much, either... Mom being a drunk, and Dad just being too timid to say anything... they pretty much stay out of our lives.

Finally, the awaited bell rings, and everyone shuffles to get home to relax, grabbing their stuff and quickly exiting. As i weave my way down the halls, the expected calls of "Faggot!" and other various insults drive their way through my eardrums, no longer sending waves of fury through me. I don't ever react anymore... I no longer throw punches or hurtful words back. I simply walk, keeping myself hidden in the shadows, with long sleeved shirts and dark jeans; never glancing anyone's way.

As I navigate my way home (soon parking my car in the empty garage), I sigh a deep sigh. I know that as soon as I step inside those walls and the smell of old carpet and chipping paint meets my nose, the urge will some again... it always does. Konan's car pulls up behind me before i even reach for the handle. Good. She'll protect me.

"Hey Deidara."

She says, glancing my way as we step through the doorway together, throwing our bags to the side.

"Hey."

Is my reply. Her concerned gaze is not lost on me as she rummages through the fridge alone. "Was it bad today?" I nod, holding back tears as I sit myself down at the table, my stomach churning. "your not hungry? You usually go straight for the food." She knows what it means when I don't have an appetite. 

"Why won't they just leave me alone?" I ask, resting my head in my hands, my long hair running over my feminine shoulders. She stops making her sandwich and sits down beside me again, resting her arm on those hated shoulders. "I don;t know Dei... I don't know." She had a habit of calling me 'Dei', a very old tradition that's kept since we were kids. 

'It was one time! I-I don;t even know if I am gay or not! And even if I am, so what? They weren't even supposed to see! And now Hidan acts like what we had was nothing! He's the worst.. you know?"

It's the same speech I give every time I have a bad day. She just pulls me closer, knowing more than to ask for the details of the day. "Do you wanna' go somewhere?" She asks softly into my hair. The oncoming tears sting my eyes as I nod.

"Yeah."


	3. Chapter 3

As we drive down the damp road, I hear sirens sound in the distance. Konan and I are both silent as a mouse, remembering how our parents died a year ago. 

"Send a prayer up for Mom and Dad..."

She says, even though we're not religious.

"They're saying hi."

I can see the tears sparkling in her eyes as she remembers them, her tired eyes glistening with tears she's held in for so long. Konan is more than just an older sister to me... she's been almost like a replacement for Mom; being there for me now that they're gone.

Luckily, we didn't go into foster care after they passed away, because our Grandma offered to take care of us until Konan turned eighteen, and as soon as her birthday rolled around six months ago, she asked for a raise at her job at Red Lobster, and we moved into our small apartment.

I try not to think about the death of our parents too much, so I redirect my attention to the long stretch of road ahead.

"Where are we going?"

I ask, leaning against the rain-streaked window of the car.

"I left something at work, so we're going to go get it. I figured I'd take the scenic route."

I chuckle slightly.

"Ah... I see... that's why I didn't recognize it."

I sometimes go with Konan to work when I don't have school; seeing I don't have many friends (if any) that I hang out with. I know everyone of the waitresses and waiters... hosts, hostesses and chefs that work at the restaurant, so I always feel at home there.

"Who's working tonight?"

I ask, curious.

"Let's see... Sakura, HInata, Kiba, Neji, Yahiko, Nagato... oh! And Sasori... the new guy."

"Cool. Is he nice?"

"He's a little reserved, but not rude or anything."

"What does he look like?"

"He has red hair, and his eyes are this weird brown-orangish color."

I nod, turning my gaze back to the damp road striped with paint.

"Crap... I think we're lost."

She says with a wide grin, obviously joking. I roll my eyes, a smile gracing my lips.

"Oh, shut up!"

I say, playfully punching her arm. 

We spend the rest of the drive in silence; thinking our own separate thoughts. Once we arrive at the restaurant, Konan parks the truck in the back lot 

"Let's go."

She sighs as we shut the doors behind us. She slings her satchel over her body as we begin to walk. 

Monday nights are always slow, so it's easy for us to slip into the kitchen. We pass Neji as we walk inside, and he waves and nods, his other hand carrying a full trash bag.

"Yo."

"Hey!"

Konan says with a smile as we step through to the kitchen; the sounds of silverware clanking, and seafood being fried fills our senses. 

"Hey! What's up?"

Yahiko calls over to Konan.

"Just needed to get out of the house... figured I'd check and make sure you guys weren't getting into too much trouble without me."

She winks... and he laughs out loud, turning back to the dishes he's washing.

I scan the room, watching everyone do their jobs... then, I see a read-head come in through the double doors leading out to the dining areas. He must be Sasori, I think, taking interest in his attractive features. He doesn't say a word as he walks in, clipping an order to the long wire that's strung across the length of the kitchen.

He sees me, and sends a friendly nod my way, the corner of his mouth slightly turning up into a smirk. I wave back, ignoring the light butterflies the exchange left me with, and watch him walk back out.

I turn to Konan.

"The apron suits him well."


	4. Chapter 4

I hate school.   
I absolutely hate it.   
Hidan's constant teasing never lets up, and the feeling of being asphyxiated by his words is present no matter what I say or do. But a week's gone by of this treatment; I wake up, go to school, get treated like scum for eight hours straight, and then go home a mess... a broken shadow left for my sister to shine light upon.   
Hidan used to care, yet I stress that 'used to' is the operative word, here. I couldv'e sworn I had meant the absolute world to him... yet the minute the truth revealed it's teeth, he ran away, and I haven't seen the old him since.  
I haven't seen the old me, either.  
The clock ticks on waveringly, the illusion of time spent productively ever-present in the classroom. The whispers are as quiet and periodic as that clown of a clock; their haunting sound staying with me 'till dusk.  
"Fag..."  
There it goes again.  
"Why don't you just kill yourself already?"  
And again.  
"You know what I say is true, don't you? That you're just a little faggot... a nobody that not even other nobodies care about. Not even your nobody parents cared to stick around... nope, they had to get themselves killed, didn't they?"  
His laugh feels like tiny icicles dancing along every bone in my body, insisting the tears fall out. What he says... his words... shouldn't mean so much to me. They're stupid, unintelligent rambles that come off the top of his thick skull. But I'm afraid they're true. I'm afraid that every single vowel his cruel mouth makes is a reflection of reality. I'm afraid that he can see every wound... every crack, bruise, and shattered piece of me within my eyes.  
I chew on my bottom lip, willing the tears to stay in place, just this once. I focus on that ineffectual clock on the wall, counting the ticks... following the lines. And the bell sounds, signaling the end of this periodic hell. Now if only I can get to my car without another encounter. Maybe Hidan will forget me for the day.   
Of course, he just couldn't stand to give me a break.  
"Yo, Deidara! I just wanna' talk, man!"  
I continue to walk towards the back of the school, and towards the back entrance; hoping I'll lose him to his band of buddies.   
"Hey! I said I just wanna' talk!"  
He speeds up, his tone becoming more threatening with every step he takes. I walk faster, too, trying to shield my reddening face with my long hair. I should just chop my hair off... then maybe he wouldn't call me a bitch and act like I'm some girl he can just throw around. Then again, if I had short hair, I'd be subject to my feminine shoulders.  
My thoughts are interrupted by a blow to my shoulder, sending me tumbling to the floor, my backpack skidding across the tiled flooring.  
"Damn, you're weak, DeiDei!"  
His mocking voice drives like nails into my skin, tearing rips and holes into my flesh.  
"Hidan, please... give it a rest."  
My voice is small, embarrassingly weak; just as he said. His face grows dark, an unreadable anger flooding his veins.  
"Why? So you can go home and cry to your sissy? 'Ooooh Konan! Hidan said I was a faggot, and it really hurt because I am!'"  
He knows just how to push my buttons, and he does, right now, and right here... his sorrowful imitation of me, and his disrespectful attitude towards Konan impeccably hurtful. I can't do anything as he grabs me, pushes me against the wall, and pins me there, pulling up the sleeves of my long-sleeved shirt.  
"Friggin emo fag."  
He hisses, before pushing me roughly against the lockers and simply walking away with no regrets or empathy. My eyes shut tight as I fall to the floor, my shaking knees failing to hold me upright any longer. The sting of tears is too much as a tear falls from my left eye first, my hands frantically moving to cover the gashes along both my wrists... the scars ranging from a dark pink to a haunting white.  
The hallway empty, I let my racking sobs fill the deafening silence.   
Yes, I am weak.  
Hidan and all of his tantalizing whispers are right.   
Hidan told me he loved me, he told me he wanted to stay with me forever, then broke my heart without a second thought. Maybe, when he realizes what he's done, it'll haunt him forever that he's the reason for the scars on someone else's body.  
It takes a while for my body to react to what my brain is telling it, but it obeys eventually, and as I gather the remains of my belongings scattered across the floor, I think of how he's right in that I'm just going to go home and cry on Konan's lap again. Yes, I'll cry on the lap of the only one who really does care.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> {TRIGGER WARNING- suicidal thoughts, slelf-harm expression. (NO DEPICTIONS OF SELF-HARM OR SUICIDE)}

I burst through the door to my home, face still streaked with tears as I slam it shut, the force causing the walls to shake. My entire body is trembling with anger, my breathing as fast as my racing heartbeat.

"Dei?"

Konan appears in the hallway, her face a look of concern. I look up at her, hands clenched in fists.

"What happened?"

He rushes over to me, gripping my shoulders.

"Hidan again, Konan! What the hell do you think? He pulled up my sleeves! He knows, okay? He confirmed his stupid little comments!"

My eyes begin to leak angry tears, and my vision blurs respectively.

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean he's been calling me emo for months, but he never knew I-"

I clamp my hand over my mouth. Konan doesn't know either. She knows of my frequent bouts of depression, and my consistent panic attacks and the trouble they cause me along with the harassment I endure at school. She knows I'm gay, and she knows I've struggled with self harm in the past... She's the one who found me when I nearly bled out three years ago. 

She took my bleeding body to the hospital, and she stayed strong for me. Konan thought my self-harm s had been short-lived... taken care of at the hospital as my wrists and thighs healed. Konan doesn't know that along with the old scars are fresh, new ones... new lines I cut into my own skin.

It's a wonder she hasn't figured it out yet. I'm almost positive I display all the signs on a daily basis.

"Deidara..."

Her voice softens, her expression one of utter confusion.

"That was a long time ago... those scars have almost undoubtedly healed by now, have they not?"

Her face contorts almost in anger, as if she's battling a scene of emotions inside of her.

"Um... yeah. I'm just insecure about-"

"You're keeping something from me. Let me see your wrists, Deidara."

Her face finally settles into one of sternness, the solidity in her words matriarchal as my anger dissipates.

"No... I-"

"Let me see."

Her tone is even firmer as she steps closer, grabbing my wrist before I can yank it out of her grasp.

"Wait! Konan!"

I try to pull away from her. And it all happens in an instant as she quickly pulls my sleeves up. It's like time it's self stands still as she stares down at the scars adorning my wrists. Tears start to form in my eyes, blurring my vision. I feel exposed as her eyes wander up the length of my arm, scanning the old, white scars, to the ones that are a hue of pink... finally settling on the ghastly row of fresh wounds towards the top of my arm; where they disappear behind my sleeve.

"Oh my god."

she whispers, dropping my arm and covering her mouth with her hand. 

"Konan... I'm sorry, I-"

"Deidara... why didn't you tell me?"

She whimpers, her own tears starting to leak out of those gorgeous eyes.

"I just- I didn't want to hurt you, and I-"

"You told me you stopped this!"

She sobs, yelling at me.

"I thought you weren't gonna' do this anymore! God! How long, Diedara? How much? Jesus Christ... don't answer that! Just- why, Deidara... why?"

She's screaming now, the wild tears of anger flooding her face in a wave of agony I don't quite understand. I pull my sleeve down in shame, my own tears flowing in two sad lines down my cheeks, refusing to let up no matter how hard I try. I want to apologize, to explain the complicated in feeling in detail... but I can't. I can't move, I can't speak or do anything. All I can do is stand in front of her, shaking with the indescribable emotion. 

"I can't handle this right now!"

She turns away, storming out after grabbing her keys from the kitchen table. Before she leaves she turns to me, her eyes wild. I know she cares as she says,

"I can't believe you."

And walks out. 

I stand there in shock a moment before the sobs again fill my body. And I want to disappear. I want to go away somewhere for a while. I want to leave this house, but I have nowhere to go as my restless pacing starts. I walk to one end of the house, striding towards my room in a haste, the tears falling to the carpeted hallway before I abruptly turn around. My footsteps echo off the walls as I storm into the living room.

I sit down on the couch and hold my head in my hands. I want a way out. I want to hurt myself right now for being such a dumbass about everything... but that'll only make the situation worse. I try to breathe in slowly as the familiar panic of an attack fills me, but my breath shakes through my sobs and I end up lying on my side on the couch, staring at the vacant TV in the corner.

"you're stupid, Deidara. You should've told her everything."

I whisper to myself. I'm sure I seem like an insane person... yet it reality I'm only trying to calm the nervous energy that's floating around me in a strangling haze of fear and desolation.

"Stupid... stupid, stupid, stupid stupid stupid!"

I bury my face in my hands as I begin to sob again, the ongoing tears flowing stronger with every passing second. It seems like forever that I lay there, crying like an idiot... but at some point I realize that night has fallen and I get up to turn the lights off before grabbing a blanket from the chair in the corner. I don't feel worthy of sleeping in my own bed tonight, so I settle for the sofa, throwing the couch pillow to the side.

I settle in, closing my eyes before I fall into a dreamless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

I'm jolted from the blackness by a gentle touch on my shoulder.

"Deidara... hey, Dei."

I groggily open my eyes as a familiar face takes shape through the haze.

"Huh? What?"

I say sleepily, sitting up.

"It's like 10 in the morning... you don't have to go to school today, I called in sick for both of us. Your teacher said she'd let you skimp on homework for this week... I really played it up for you."

"Huh? Oh... thanks." 

I stare down at my clothed wrists... at my fingers tightly gripping at my sleeves. My stomach is in knots as I hope she won't notice me shaking as I try to breathe normally. As everything rushes back to me, I feel my lungs burning with another wave of panic as it hits me like a brick wall.

"We need to talk."

She says, gently touching my arm. I hope she doesn't see me flinch. And I nod as she stand up from sitting on the edge of the couch. My neck hurts from sleeping there last night, but I remind myself that I deserve the pain. She holds out her hand to me and I take it, standing shakily. I follow her into the kitchen, my feet slapping on the floor. Every little sound or piece of information feels utterly overwhelming to me and I just want to float out of my body. Maybe if I could just disappear... if I could just never have existed at all everyone would be happier.

She sits me down at the table, sitting across from me and taking my freezing hands in hers. All she says is,

"I'm sorry."

And the tears begin to leak out of my eyes.

"No... no no no. I'm the one who's sorry. I lied to you and-"

"Shhh... no, really... you didn't deserve what I did to you last night. I'm a little hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me, but I know you're intentions were to keep me safe. Trust me, Dei... I understand as best I can. It hurts like a bitch to see you in so much pain all the time... and in the end, the only one who's gonna' save you is you, you hear me? I can try, but I can't change you, or anybody else. And I want you to know that I love you, okay? And those scars are proof of how you've put up with all the crap we have to deal with every single day. Mom and Dad aren't here to see you, now... but I know they'd be so, so proud of you, Deidara. I'm proud of you. You are so strong, you know? Now, instead of looking at those scars and thinking you're weak, know that they're what makes you who you are... and you're the strongest person I know, okay?"

She's crying now, and she wipes at her eyes.

"Okay."

I reply, nodding.

"Now, stand up."

I do, and she does too; walking around the edge of the table to embrace me in a warm embrace, her loving hands rubbing my shoulders softly.

"You'll be okay. We can get through this together... you just have to let me in and help you."

I nod again, letting myself bury my face into her shoulder and welcoming the gentle touch. She then pulls away, brushing a stray hair from my face.

"So... for my first piece of advice."

She sighs, looking at me in a sort of played-upon judgement. I laugh.

"You need a job, honey."

She smiles, snapping sassily in a mock-attitude.

"But... thankfully for you, a space just opened up at work."

"Who was fired?"

I ask, suddenly worried.

"Neji quit. He's going out-of-state for college. Trust me... Hinata will be a mess when she finds out... but if you ask me, he deserves more than a waitering job at Red Lobster."

I laugh again, relaxing.

"Okay. You're probably right, though."

"Oh I know I'm right. You need a confidence boost."

She says, now rummaging through the cabinets and fridge, trying to scrape something up for breakfast/lunch. Let's call it brunch, for now.

"If you start earning your own money, you'll gain some independence... and I feel like you need that, Dei."

I silently agree, thinking of the most-likely places we might go for food.

"Okay. We officially need to go grocery shopping."

She sighs.

"How about waffles? Waffles sound good."

I offer.

"Sure. Let's go to waffle house... duh."


	7. Chapter 7

After a hearty breakfast consisting of two (huge) waffles, an egg, a piece of toast and a side of bacon Konan announces that she has to pick something up from work.

"I'll just be a minute. Since Neji isn't there anymore there's a lot of scheduling to do. Plus, someone's got to tell Hinata."

She says as we hop in the car. Though I know that she isn't really needed, I let it slide. Konan is a person, as am I... and I also know that her being there is important to her. 

The sky is a blinding blue; the kind of light that hurts your eyes and makes you long for a stormy day. It's this kind of sky that makes you crave lighting and want heartily for the crashing thunder that accompanies it... then maybe you won't feel so helpless and small. Then maybe you won't have to be reminded that the world outside is no match for your world inside; and that everything going on inside your head is so small... so unimportant. I make a note to remember this analogy for future reference.

We drive by the tall, familiar skyscrapers and brick buildings of downtown, the cool pre-winter air blowing by my cheek from the open window. I look down at my grey sweatpants and navy-blue hoodie, mindlessly pulling down the sleeves and pulling my legs closer together. Konan turns on the radio, disrupting the peaceful silence... disrupting my surely destructive thought patterns that always seem to repeat themselves wherever there is silence.

'And I will stay up through the night.  
Yeah, let's be clear,  
I won't close my eyes.  
But I know that I can survive.

I walk through fire to save my life.'

Konan sings along as soon as she catches on, her beautiful voice floating through the air. Our car seems to isolate its self as we continue to drive seamlessly, and I think I could stay like this forever; just the two of us. Her bright blue hair flys around her face in the wind, and for the first time I notice that it's a bit faded; the color almost grey in some areas. 'She must not have had time to dye it yet.' I think, remembering the process of up-keeping unnaturally colored hair, and wonder how she manages to juggle everything so proudly.

'You did not break me.  
I am still fighting for peace.

Well I've got thick skin, and an elastic heart.  
But your blade it might be too sharp.  
I'm like a rubber band,  
Until you pull too hard...  
Then I may snap if I move close.

You won't see me fall apart.  
'Cause I've got an elastic heart.'

She drums her fingers on the steering wheel as we reach a stop light, humming along to the music.

I avert my gaze towards my slightly-open window and the small of cigarettes, gas and perfume resonate from the 7-Eleven on the corner of where we are. A homeless man is sitting on the sidewalk next to it, various plastic bags piled up beside him. I bring my gaze back to my lap.

I feel the car move again and cannot bear to look back at the man.

"There's too much poverty and sadness in this world."

I mutter. Konan turns down the radio

"What's that?"

"I said there's too much poverty and sadness in this world. Too much deprivation and hopelessness... helplessness."

She sighs,

"You're right. There is."

She's silent for a moment, then she speaks again.

"But there's also so much hope. So much happiness. There's flowers and vines growing everywhere... there's entire galaxies and universes we don't even know about. Children are laughing and being born, and people are crying from happiness, too. And you're right, there is grief. There is death, and hunger. There is suffering and war. And people can be disgusting and cruel. But there are constellations growing inside of you... living just for you. There is hope buried there. You just have to find it."

I can't think of what words to say as I look back at her.

"Konan... that was beautiful. But- I just..."

I sigh,

"I just feel like it's been ages since I've seen the sun."

"Deidara... look around you. You've seen the sun. You just don't want to accept it yet. But it's alright. Sometimes you need to be okay with not being okay."

I nod.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a certain red-haired boy turns out to mean more than one thought.

Once we pull up into the cracked and dusty parking lot, I stuff my hands into my pockets to keep them from fidgeting. I sigh, unrolling the windows before Konan can cut the engine. I look back at her as she opens the door, and she leans down to poke her head through the now-opened window.

"I'll only be a minute. No funny business while I'm gone. No drugs or sex. Come inside if someone tries to kidnap you."

We both chuckle, and I nod, waving her off. Though what I want to say is 'it's me who is the danger to myself'. I watch her walking in through the glass doors behind the restaurant, and turn my attention to the steady swaying of trees outside the car. The leaves swish and make a sound that feels like home, and i hear a bird chirping somewhere in the distance.

I find it bittersweet how nature develops and caters to the needs of humans... even if we are small and useless and sad as anything. But I suppose, that's how everything seems to work out in the end. Nothing makes a whole lot of sense. Nothing really matters in the end. Even if I were to suddenly disappear with no warning... no rhyme or reason... the world would still turn, wouldn't it? Yes, I'm sure Konan would be sad. But even she will whither with time. Even she is small and irrelevant, just like the rest of us. I wonder... what has ever stopped me from just leaving? Yeah... I could just get right up and walk until my feet turned to ash. I could just leave everything behind and start walking. But sadly, that isn't how this world works anymore.

I try to pull away from my thoughts as I realize where I am headed. I am headed to the point of decay; to the point that is always behind whatever emotion I feel: that I could take anything sharp and slash a thin line right across my arm. I could cut numerous gashes into my skin, and I still would feel next to nothing. And the disturbing thing about it- even to me- is that I could easily run that blade down in the opposite direction and not give a damn, either.

Something small, metal and shiny catches my eye and I turn to see a paperclip nestled in the cupholder to my left. A seemingly harmless item. I stare at it, feeling as though something is trying to taunt me, tempt me and eradicate me completely. But if that were true, I guess there'd be some sort of reasoning behind why the world would be better off without me.

I pull my hand out of my pocket to pick it up, twisting and twirling and flipping it in my fingers. The afternoon light glares off its surface like a sun on a lake as I unfold it, and I feel as though I've lost control of my body as I pull the sleeve of my other arm up, past the pink, red and white marks entangled on my skin. There's nowhere clean on the surface of this arm, and in this moment all I want is to destroy... to bring chaos to something whole and beautiful. Just like the world has done to me.

So I search my other arm, and find a spot where the scars have faded; a spot right above the crook of my elbow. I wonder how hard I will have to press in order to break the skin, and decide to find out the hard way... readying myself and slowly starting to skim the metal thing across my blank skin.

"Hey."

I start, pulling my sleeve down and shoving the paperclip into my pocket quicker than lightning. I look over, and see the redheaded boy from the other night staring in at me through the window, the breeze jostling his fiery-red hair.

"Deidara, is it?"

I nod, and I must be looking at him like some kind of foreign beast because he tilts his head, smirking at me with a raise eyebrow.

"Y-yeah."

I mutter, tearing my gaze away.

"Konan sent me out to check on you."

I scoff.

"I don't need checking on, oh my god."

He laughs, opening the car door and slipping inside the driver's seat.

"Dei... you look like you've just seen a ghost. I mean I know I'm pale, but that's rough."

I smile shakily, trying to stop my fidgeting.

"N-no it's not that I just-"

I subconsciously glance down to my lap. I have to stifle my gasp of horror as I see that I forgot to pull the sleeve back over my other arm in my haste to stop my self-sabotage. I frantically pull it down, praying to god that he didn't notice how the lines on my arm are so brazen and desperate... how you can almost feel the tears that must have been streaming down my face when you look at those cuts, scars and bruises.

I still, tensing as I refuse to bring my eyes to him. I take a breath; a short, ragged one that I again, hope he didn't notice. The air feels strange, as though I have just bared my deepest, darkest secrets to a stranger. But I suppose I have, haven't I?

"It's okay."

I hear him whisper,

"I've got them too."

He lifts up his sleeves, revealing clusters of perfectly straight, but perfectly deep, scars lining his wrists. I look at him in shock. Why the hell would this guy just bare it all for me, right here? Why would he open up to a complete stranger, who must seem utterly insane at the way he flinches away from people.

The lines on his skin are different from mine, though. They're neat; heartbreakingly precise, and looking at them now, I know exactly how empty he must have felt whilst carving those lines into his own flesh... as he watched the blood run off the pale canvas and onto white-tiles floors. I'm speechless as he pulls the cloth back over them like a blackout curtain swiping across a stage at intermission, and I relax... if only a little.

"I'm Sasori."

He holds out his hand to me, and I clammoly shake it as he smiles so warmly at me.

"So I've heard."

Just then, Konan returns, and it's like I'm being snapped out of a spell as he pulls his hand away gracefully, turning towards her and stepping out of the car.

"You two better not be up to any funny business. Deidara's told me he's saving himself for marriage."

I roll my eyes as she approaches, and Sasori smirks the way he did when he first appeared, and as he looks back at me I feel my stomach turning flips. Konan is so embarrassing.

"Ah... I wish."

He winks at me before giving Konan a slight nod and jogging back to work.

"What a weirdo."

She mutters, sliding back into her seat and reaching for the ignition. I note the way that Sasori carries himself. I still think he's cute. Wait... was he flirting with me? I stay silent.

She looks at me, and then puts her hand on the steering wheel, her expression one of awe.

"Oh my god. Deidara, you're as red as a tomato!"

She laughs, still staring at me. I immediately begin to protest, brining my hands up to my face.

"I am not!"

"Jesus christ I was kidding when I said no funny business."

She teases, finally starting the engine.

"No! No, Konan it totally wasn't like that! I mean, he's cute and all I just-"

"Deidara, chill. I'm fucking with you. But by the way he's totally into you."

She smirks.

I remain silent the rest of the way home.


	9. Chapter 9

"Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

"It's only a week and a half until summer break. Finals week is coming up. Are you sure you can't bear it?"

I sigh, sinking further into the couch and tuning out the invasive blare of the TV.

"I know it's important... but my grades are shit and Hidan is fucking relentless. He won't leave me alone."

"Okay. Well... will you try?"

Her golden eyes reflect the glare of the TV in front of us... their watery surface glistening.

"For me?"

I sigh again, covering myself with the fuzzy red blanket pooled at my feet. I know that I should be invested in my future... but it's hard to be when you don't even see one at all.

"I can try."

I finally mutter, turning my gaze back to the technicolor screen.

She's quiet for quite some time. And in the silence all I can hear is her breath accompanied by the faint buzz of the muted TV. I have time to contemplate further within this silence... and I realize that I do not truly wish to lose my life; I simply have this overwhelming feeling that I'm going to be the one to end it. And this thought scares me... it really does. I realize how truly lonely I am, and I wonder if I will ever feel normal again.

"Thank you."

She whispers faintly.

I fall asleep on the cough again.

\----

Finals week was stressful. No, change that to it was pure, undoubted, flaming, boiling, gut-wrenching hell. I barely passed all my classes... and by barely, I mean barely. I don't even want to think about how I managed to not get straight F's. But I didn't And then it was over. Summer finally came. It started on a Saturday, which was nice, I suppose. It'd be like a really really long weekend that never ends for three months.

And now it's Sunday, and I am completely and utterly bored out of my mind.

"I still think you should get a job!"

Konan calls from the kitchen. I hear a few cupboards close before the rattling of the fridge door on its rusty old hinges. I sigh.

"It's too early to be talking about this!"

I reply, finally finding a remnant of motivation to actually get out of bed and walk in there for once.

"It's nearly one o-clock. Come one... we've talked about this, Dei."

"I know. It's just that I literally suck at everything. Where am I gonna' find an actual, well-paying job when I have zero skills, zero motivation or energy, and zero resume to back me up?"

"Look, it doesn't have to pay enough to support you. I can do that. I have been, haven't I?"

I nod. She continues,

"I mean, yeah... it'd be nice to have a few extra bucks to spend here and there but I'm fine. We're fine. Like I said before, I really think it'll help you a lot."

"Okay, well still... where am I even gonna' find a job?"

She gives me the kind of look Mom used to give me when I hadn't done my chores.

"Guess I know what we're doing tomorrow: Job hunting."

I cringe,

"Ugh."

I hide my face in the palms of my hands.

I hear her chuckle before she moves past me and into the living room, switching on the TV. I stay standing by the counter, withdrawn into the darkness my hands provide. I rub my eyes a bit, watching the colors begin to swirl around my vision. When I finally open my eyes, it takes a moment for them to adjust to the light of the kitchen.

I walk into the living room, sitting down next to her.

"What are we even doing today?"

She shrugs.

"It's my day off. There's plenty of food in the house."

"Okay."

I settle in next to her, turning my gaze to the TV.

I don't particularly like being cooped up in the house... but my current state usually prevents me from wanting to leave it. I don't pay attention to the mindless blare of the show we're watching. Instead, I find my eyes wandering to the window to the right. Konan doesn't notice my lack of interest and I hear her laugh at the scene playing. I observe the way the TV reflects off the glass. It looks like a giant screen floating in the middle of our backyard.

Our yard isn't that pretty... it's just a compilation of plants and rocks that once were kept neat. Now they just take on a life of their own; growing heinously around the grass and brick wall. It's very green, I note. It looks like a little sliver of jungle that nobody else has. It's not a very attractive green, though. I haven't been out there in a long time... even though I used to play outside non-stop until someone called me in to eat when I was a kid. Even Konan used to like to run around that soft, green grass that's now become brittle and thirsty. It's funny how people and things change.

I imagine the way that sliver of land could be with just a little work. It could be a nicer green again, filled with rocks that aren't on the verge of falling apart and crumbling. We could even have a deck with chairs and the like. Or a fish pond. That would be great. A small smile tugs on my lips.

I realize that that's what I could do with my summer. I don't have to be cooped up in the house, but I don't have to go out either. It's a job made for me.

"Hey, Konan."

"What? Yeah?"

I snap her out of her enthrallment.

"You said the reason I should get a job isn't for the money, but for the experience and to give me something to do?"

"Yeah... why?"

"Well I think I found a better place to start then jumping straight into a job."

She gives me a coy, half-smile,

"What?"

"It wouldn't be stressful, and it would be something that benefits both of us."

"Tell me! What is it?"

She chuckles.

"I want to fix the backyard."


End file.
